It’s bittersweet, the impending changes.
My career growing.
My friendships changing.
My loved ones growing older.
It’s all so bittersweet.
In every moment, I find something to be completely elated about and something that saddens me to some degree.
When I look at the young child I love so dearly, I see her getting older and I love seeing her personality develop. But then, I am sad to see that innocence starting to fade. Suddenly, she’s not as awe-struck by every simple thing. Suddenly, she knows right and wrong and points it out.
When I look at my mother and my grandparents and think of how they were to how they are now, I am happy, because we’ve all aged together. I am happy because they are here and they are healthy. I am happy because they’re my family. But then, I am sad, because I see that they’re getting older.
When I look at my friends and reflect on the relationships between us, I am happy because this is the family I have hand-selected, the ones who wandered into my life without warning, but I can’t imagine now knowing. I am happy because we’re still telling that joke, we’re still singing that song, and the night is still our favorite time of day. But then, I am sad, because I see how some of us have grown apart. I see how we can be the same people and yet, so different, in such monumental ways.
When I look at my career, I reflect on the timid girl I used to be and look at the person I’ve become. I am happy because I’m making a name for myself. I am happy because my hard work is paying off. But then, I am sad, because it means that I am growing up. It means that my childhood is slipping away.
When I think about graduation, I am happy because it is the end of my secondary schooling. I am happy because my future is so close. I am happy because I think of the moment when I’ll walk down that hall for that last time, when I’ll watch that bell almost pleading with it to ring, and when I’ll toss my cap into the air as the bagpipes play and I walk out of the arena, leaving my past behind. But then, I am sad, because the safety of childhood will be gone; the familiarity of those halls, the faces I’ve become so used to seeing, all of it will be but a distant memory.
I am happy, because it’s all changing; but then, I am sad, because it’s all changing.
I am happy, because that song is still playing, my friends are still singing along, and we’re all still young enough to act stupid, but old enough to be taken seriously.
Right now, I’m standing on the cusp of the end and the beginning, where someday is still far away enough that I’m not sure what will happen, but close enough that I can taste the moment on my tongue.
I’ve spent moment after moment planning for someday. Working for something I couldn’t see, but I could feel within reach.
Every minute I’ve spent planning. Every moment contemplating the future.
Once upon a time, that seemed like such a long time away.
But then someday is today, and isn’t it all so bittersweet?